Whenever I think of the question ‘why’ I often think of a child’s unending questions to parents about the ways of the world and the way they do what they do. ‘Why’ – although a question – is a powerful statement of seeking more. It embodies trying to get to the root or the heart of a matter – whatever that matter is. Within the realm of love, emotions, and relationships, the question isn’t any less significant. Asking ourselves ‘why’ we feel the way we do or behave the way we do, is a great way of delving below the surface and getting to the root of just about any matter – first with ourselves and then others.
How do you feel about it, and why do you feel that way?
I’ve generally never been one to overidentify with my emotions or anything outside of myself except my intellect. I guess the only time I get truly emotional is when I have to tell your ass the same thing over and over and you eventually get a lethal ‘fuck off’ in far more words (yeah, I am not the type to mince words). Welp. Still, I guess, I too, like most of us have had attachments to things, people, and places I’ve formed relationships with over the years. Yes, relationships are not just with people. We have a relationship with everything we relate to or interact with. What I’ve learned over the years through my many relationships is that life is not happening to us. Instead, it is responding to us. It was then that I started to take a closer look at my ‘why’ by observing my mind – thoughts, perceptions, emotions, expressions alike – nothing was off-limits. It was then, the old adage ‘when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.
I started to question everything. I would ask myself why someone else’s thoughts, actions, and opinions would affect me a certain way. I stopped labeling life’s events – endings and beginnings alike – as good or bad. Instead, they were just experiences that are a part of my journey. This was when everything changed. I learnt to go within for everything. In some ways, it made me appear detached to some, but in most cases, all my relationships improved. I learnt to enjoy the moments I had with others, with places, things, and more importantly myself. I did all that while expecting nothing. I didn’t expect situations, circumstances, things, or people to remain unchanged so that I could relive bliss. Instead, I evolved, enjoyed my life and the people in it, had healthy boundaries, lived from my heart, and kept it moving.
Learning to observe my own mind, behaviours, and everything within and without was perhaps the deepest and most difficult things I have ever been through. After all, 20+ years conditioning – subconscious and conscious alike – is not easy to shake ( and in many ways still isn’t). However, it has been the most fulfilling. I feel more deeply but respond to my emotions more smartly as I am more patient in my observations. I take my time to get to the root of the why, and address it. I evolve and grow and am more authentic in my interactions because the ego slowly dies as our attachments do. Our attachments fade and you become a little less fearful, and a little more faithful, fateful, and deliberate in your living. Everything and everyone around you is different because you are. You begin to live life awake. You live fully. You live well.
Credits: Photo by Sebastian Libuda from Pexels https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-wearing-black-and-brown-coat-792042/